Boredomage

Site Subscriber Joined: 28 Jan 2005 Posts: 3547

Don't waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you like and hum that instead.

Cinema Goers. Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by having a p*ss before the film starts.

Rappers. Avoid having to say, 'Know what I'm sayin' all the time by actually speaking clearly in the first place.

Don't waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along with your old bank statements.

Worried that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red wine? Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to remove the stains.

Soldiers. Invest in a digital camera to avoid all that court martial tomfoolery after a trip to Trueprint.

Murderers. Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it to yourself via DHL. You will never see it again.

Employers. Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the CVs into the bin.

Men. When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to the volume you desire, then turn it down three notches. This will save your wife from having to do it.

Gamblers. For a new gambling opportunity, try sending Â£50 to yourself by Royal Mail.

Banging two pistachio nutshells together gives the impression that a very small horse is approaching.

Blind People. Give yourself at least a CHANCE of seeing something by not wearing heavy dark glasses all the time.

Alcohol makes an ideal substitute for happiness.

Drivers. If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, try beeping your horn and waving your arms frantically - this should help the car start and send them on their way.

Prevent burglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the morning, simply move it all back again.

Car Thieves. Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view. All the valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat.

Depressed People. Instead of attempting suicide as a 'cry for help', simply shout 'Help!' thus saving money on paracetamol, etc.

Motorists. Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.

Jeremy Beadle. When selling DVDs on your TV advert, hold the disks in your bigger hand so that they do not appear to be the size of laser disks.

Shoes last twice as long if only worn every other day.

Single Men. Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing outside Etam with several bags of shopping, looking at your watch and occasionally glancing inside.

Boil an egg to perfection without costly egg timers by popping the egg into boiling water and driving away from your home at exactly 60 mph. After 3 miles, phone your wife and tell her to take the egg out the pan.

Alcoholics. Don't worry where the next drink is coming from. Go to the pub, where a large selection is available at retail prices.

McDonalds. Make your brown carrier bags green in colour so they blend in with the countryside better after they've been thrown out of car windows.

Level 1 User Joined: 07 Sep 2005 Posts: 30

pmsl they are ace !!! Laughing

Site Subscriber Joined: 15 Oct 2004 Posts: 1139

nice one Dan!

Level 10 User Joined: 05 Mar 2005 Posts: 570

lol

Site Subscriber Joined: 28 Jan 2005 Posts: 3547

Few more:

What happens if u get scared half to death, Twice?

What colour are mirrors ?

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?

Level 10 User Joined: 05 Mar 2005 Posts: 570

Why do kamakazi pilots wear helmets? Laughing

Posted: Fri Sep 16, 2005 7:21 am

I like it brightened up my day, cheers fella!

Forum Moderator Joined: 18 Feb 2004 Posts: 7432

danlp6 wrote:

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?

Joking aside, thats actually a really interesting question...

Forum Moderator Joined: 18 Feb 2004 Posts: 7432

Why do we wash our towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

Spammer Joined: 27 Jul 2004 Posts: 5717

has anybody got a pair of see through glasses on here?????? Laughing

i had to say it sorry for the inconvinience peeps

Site Subscriber Joined: 13 Oct 2004 Posts: 4722

why do they say "roadworks" when it dosnt?

Forum Moderator Joined: 18 Feb 2004 Posts: 7432

How do blind people know when to stop wiping their arse?

FCS Event Manager Joined: 04 Jan 2005 Posts: 3680

why do americans call where they park thier cars a driveway and where they drive thier cars a parkway ?