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OK...
first thing, that sounds like the head gasket. you would not necessarily see the water and oil mixing if the head gasket goes, it depends where exactly it's gone.
elec auxiliary water pump... meant to keep coolant flowing round the head for about 10 mins after the engine is switched off. if its working, great. if it's not, no big deal, join the club.
no reason why you'd need a thicker head gasket, why do you ask?
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